I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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