yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
