so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
