I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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