i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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