OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
