I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
