If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
