Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
is it fun? or sober?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
