Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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