I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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