Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
