I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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