he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
