dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
