they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
