I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
