i just wanna soil my oats bro
and she was petting her beer can
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
