WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
