You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
