There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
