He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
