New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
