A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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