Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Randomize
