So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
