It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
