I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When are your genitals available?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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