ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
