im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
