i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
