If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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