i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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