He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
