did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
