Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
