Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
