We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
