Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
