I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I believe in your delicious
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
