we made out on top of his cat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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