i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
