I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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