I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
