My sheets look like a crime scene.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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