I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
