Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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