Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and she was petting her beer can
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
