So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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