oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
