We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
